Day 51

The funk continued. I got up at 430am, fed Molly, and then just decided to get in bed. I woke up at 630 just feeling crappy. I walked the dog, showered, packed my lunch, and was out the door.

While driving to work, I cried. It just feels like I can't keep it together and I could really use some help. I'm drowning and I just can't find a system that works. When I walked into work and turned on my computer, I was already angry about the shit I'd have to deal with today. I had Greek yogurt and a bagel thin with cream cheese for breakfast.

Ashley asked me to join a girls lunch she set up and my first thought was no, too much work, but then I decided that I needed out. To get out and laugh for lunch was just what I needed. We went to this awesome diner place that was known for their desserts. I had a mushroom and Gouda grilled cheese with a side salad. Then I had chocolate mousse pie.

The afternoon was OK. It felt like problems were getting solved and progress being made. I had a banana, almonds, and carrots for a snack. I still was at work till 6pm. Then I took Molly to the dog park and met up with Vic at the gym.

I needed a buddy today. I needed encouragement and to be pushed because mentally I'm running on fumes. I don't think my workout would've been as good without Vic. We did arms, abs, and stair master. And I needed to get my frustrations out.

I keep forgetting that I have people I can reach out to for help and lean on. I just try to handle everything on my own because it's what I'm used to. You want something done, you gotta do it yourself. It is so freaking tough to lose weight and handle all the demands of life. I really wish I could afford a trainer, chef, and personal assistant.....then I could get all yhis shit done! I can't imagine juggling that with a husband and kids, so time is of the essence! I feel some positivity coming back and I'll live to fight another day.

Day 50

Today everything fell apart. I had veggie eggs for breakfast, but halfway through, I wanted no part of them. My desk mate also started in early on passing me candy and there were mini donuts. Mini donuts are the devil. You think they're innocent till you noticed you've eaten 5 of those bastards. Then opening my disaster of an email box. I swear the transition from weekend to work mode is like bending over without the courtesy of lube.

By lunch, I was just frazzled. I went down to the cafeteria and if it wasn't for Jenny calling me out and saying she was going to watch me make healthy choices, I would've had cake for lunch. Instead I had pork loin, veggies, and a biscuit. I did get a break in eating lunch with her, but then more crazy.

I couldn't breathe today. It felt like everything was rushed and time flew by. After a pointless meeting, I realized it was 530pm and I still had one more data request that I promised to get out today. FML. It was 730 when I left and I was so mad, I had ice cream for dinner.

I came home and played with the dog for a bit since I felt guilty about leaving her for 12 hours. She was all cuddles too, which made me feel like an asshole. And then I just started feeling bad about everything. My dog, my weight, my bad eating, my lack of time....and I sat in this poor me state for about 20 mins. I can't get anything done, I can't balance, I can't get enough sleep, I'm just always gonna be fat.....

Well fuck. I really just got fed up with myself and I'm not gonna get any sleep so I might as well go grocery shopping. At least I could end the night on a positive. And shop I did!

No more eating out this week. Honestly if I could survive not eating, I would, just so it's one less thing to think about. I guess sometimes you just gotta bite the bullet and get it done. I do feel a little better that I did something positive, but I know tomorrow I'll be exhausted and I'm going to have to fight to get through the day :(

Fuck Mondays!!!!

Day 49

I slept like a champ last night. I woke up this morning still a bit sore, but ready for the task at hand. 9 miles.

I fed the dog then headed to McDonald's for breakfast. I got a medium coffee and a fruit parfait. Then it was off to River Legacy park, which I discovered is a 10 min drive from my house.

The weather was 70s this morning and there was a good breeze, which is beyond perfect for this time of year. The first two miles were rough. Everything was tight and I stopped to stretch after the first mile. Then it was like the planets aligned and the heaven burst out in song...I hit my happy place and miles 3-6 went along quite nicely. By mile 7 it was getting hot, but I was just about done. I finished in 2:15:39 (15:04 pace).

I stretched then stopped at a gas station for Gatorade, chocolate milk, and ice. I've been reading about ice baths for recovery after a long run and wanted to try it.

It honestly wasn't as bad as I thought. It was actually a relief after being in the heat. I sat for 10 mins and then slowly crawled out. Then sat in a towel warming up for about 20 mins  before hitting a hot shower. I think tomorrow will be the real test, but I feel pretty good.

I had a grilled chicken sandwich and fries for lunch, then tackled my closet. I'm disgusted about how much clothing I have and how much doesn't fit right now. Next year at this time I plan to be rid of all this stuff because its too big (fit by 30!). But my closet is pretty bad ass ;) 

Then I took Molly to the dog park. I can tell my legs are tired, usually I walk around, but today I plopped my ass on a bench. Still, I'm not in any pain. Thank you ice bath?!?

I got a last minute call to pick Vic up from the airport so kinda ruined my grocery shopping plans. I was still coming up with my grocery list, so I'll go tomorrow. His plane got delayed so by time we got dinner, the only thing open was whataburger. I had a patty melt and fries. Man I really need to get groceries in the house! 

Day 48

It was pretty nice to sleep in till 7 this morning. I fed Molly and then laid about for another hour until crazy dog started bugging the shit out of me. I had McDonalds for breakfast. Iced coffee, hash brown, and mcGriddle with egg whites. Then we hit the dog park and I told myself then I was locking myself in the house to unpack.

Well the day was beautiful and the weather still cool, so I decided to drive to Grapevine lake instead to let Molly swim. We hung out for about an hour and then the heat was kicking in, so time to go home.

I dropped Molly off and decided to do some shopping instead. I'm working on the downstairs half bath right now. So I hit a few stores, then went into the mall and I was starving. The line to Subway was ridiculous, at this point I'm getting a headache, so I decides on pizza, which had no line. I got two slices and a root beer. Cheat meal!

After eating, I just realized how exhausted I was. I needed more sleep and my muscles were pretty sore. I was supposed to lift today, but in preparation for tomorrow's 9 miler, figured I should take it easy.

I came home and crashed. I took a 3 hour nap! I felt pretty refreshed after that and started tackling some un-packing. I really had to get the kitchen done so I could put food in and get back on my cooking. Especially the fridge...I completely tore it apart and washed every bin and shelf. Quite OCD, but the fighter is big on fruits and veggies, so I'm not sitting food in a dirty fridge. I'm actually looking forward to working in my big kitchen with lots of counter space!

Overall, for having an empty fridge, I think today went pretty well. I did cheat, but I stuck to two slices of pizza. I'm not hungry, I think from the higher calories earlier, so I pretty much drank water for dinner. One of the things I'm trying to work on is eating when I'm hungry and not because it's a certain time of day.

Day 47

I got up this morning still full of grrrr, but sore as well. I thought about sleeping in just 30 mins, but realized the only thing that was going to make me feel better was a good hard run.

Today's workout was 4 half mile sprints with 2 min recovery after each interval. I increased my rest to around 4 mins, 2 wasn't enough. And I figured the important part was running the half mile at a 12:30 pace. It was hard! I need to start eating something in the morning for more energy. I was talking myself through it, but on the 3rd sprint, I hit that wall....

Why are you doing this?!?

You're crazy!!!

Why the hell did you decide to run a marathon?!?!

Damn overachiever!!!!

But I got through it and that was the best feeling. Mind over matter. And we'll see. I don't think I'll have a good idea about my chances to finish under the 6.5 hr cap until about halfway. And if I'm not ready, well I'll run the half and then do Dallas Rock 'n' Roll.

The day was crazy as usual. I had veggie eggs and a banana for breakfast. Half a turkey sandwich for lunch with some nachos because the office had some tailgating themed snacks. I also got banana pudding that was full of oreos and topped with fruit, but I split that with Jenny and Ashley. Sharing is good, I enjoyed my portion and left it at that. Dinner was my other half sandwich and some check mix.

And this why I'm glad I avoided some food earlier in the week. Today I was brain dead and decided on some snacks, but I did not partake in happy hour or a dinner. I actually went shopping for organizing stuff so I could tackle my closet this weekend. I'm so ready to be organized!

Molly and I took a short walk, then it was shower and get in bed time. I'm not going to last too long, my entire body is exhausted. Can you believe this was only a 4 day week? Hello weekend!

Day 46

I got up this morning and went swimming. 25 laps and it was so nice to not have the usual pounding on my joints. Afterwards I sat in the hot tub. Man are my legs sore!

Work was beyond ridiculous today. I am so done with this week. But I stayed good because I barely had time to eat. Veggie eggs for breakfast and chocolate milk, turkey sandwich for lunch. I ate my lunch standing up while having a work conversation. (Sad) Then I did have a Hershey kiss, but just one :)

By time I left, I was at the end of my rope. It was 630pm....grrr! No more fucks to give today. I had a healthy choice meal for dinner and took my dog to the dog park. My boss texted me about someone wanting an update and I left my phone in the car before I texted something I couldn't take back. Tomorrow's run will be good, I'm so full of frustration right now. I almost want to run right now, I'm so pissed off. Tired of fighting losing battles at work. 

Day 45- Halfway!

So we are halfway through this 90 day fighter diet.

Day 1, I started at 278.8.

Day 45, 278.6.

In short, my lack of consistency has once again killed me. Life got crazy and I knew August would be a whirlwind, but I really wasn't PREPARED. It just all seemed to slip away and now I'm back where I started. I was completely out of balance, irritable, and stressed out when I left for the beach. I needed the break more than I realized and I'm determined to do better.

Maybe if I start practicing now, I'll be better when the next whirlwind hits. I don't know what the right answer is. Do you let yourself go until things settle down and hit it hard again? Or fight to stay on track? Just focus on food? Cut your exercise time? Hmm...I need to find some fit people to pose this question to.

Today was another good day. Veggie eggs for breakfast, BLT wrap and Chocolate Milk for lunch, Healthy Choice Steamer meal for dinner. Plus lots of water!

I did share some homemade bread pudding this afternoon with Ashley, which was better than the huge serving my coworker was trying to give me. I had to flat-out refuse to take any at all before she gave me a small piece to split with Ashley. Crazy how much people push food on you! I ran 7 miles this morning so not worried about what I estimated was a 250- 300 cal reasonable serving of bread pudding. And honestly, it felt really damn good to not have guilt because I failed to exercise will power and had a gigantic serving. 

But yeah 7 miles this morning....slow as molasses and my longest run yet, but I did have a few walk and stretch breaks. Just gotta keep putting the work in, my legs will adjust after a few weeks of consistency. (God that "C" is going to be the death of me!)

I left work by 6, sticking to my not staying late rule, ate dinner, and the headed off to the dog park. Molly enjoyed herself and is currently passed out on the floor. I think she's finally starting to adjust to the new place.

So now I'm getting ready for bed and setting myself up for a good Thursday. I took measurements today so I have something else to compare in 45 days besides weight. The struggle continues......